Losing the ones we love...?

I’ve found the easiest way to express my feelings and thought is by writing them out. I don’t mean to put a damper on anyone’s day, however I love the feedback I get from my friends and family. I haven’t experienced the loss of a relative or loved one other than my great grandparents who lived long happy lives. Other than knowing a friend of a friend, or relative of a friend, no one close to me has passed away. I’ve never really had to face the loss of a loved one or deal with the feelings that come along with it. Recently my ex step grandpa, Tim (who I consider my grandpa) was diagnosed with brain cancer.

It seemed so fast and before we knew it, his head was shaved and he was taking treatment to cure the disease. A couple weeks later he fell into a coma. Things were not looking good for a few days so my siblings and I decided to visit him at the hospital and say goodbye. Miraculously (and I mean miraculously) he came out of the coma a few days later. To say the least, we were all stunned. He made an incredible recovery, considering his condition a week prior. In fact, his recovery was so great that he was released to go home, with the proper assistance.

My grandmother and him were able to celebrate Thanksgiving, their 21st wedding anniversary, Christmas, and New Years! We were also able to visit him Christmas Eve where he made sarcastic jokes and opened gifts. His progress was slow, but he continued to be a fighter. At the same time, we were painfully aware that the cancer in his lungs and brain were very hard to treat. We were all still aware what the inevitable future holds.

On January 11th Tim fell into another coma and passed away the next day, January 12th. I am thankful that he was able to celebrate the holidays with his family and friends before his passing. I am comforted that he is no longer in pain and will never have to suffer again. However, after this experience I am faced with so many feelings and emotions. It's an entire new emotion that I have not yet had to deal with until now. I’m slowly sorting through my thought and putting things back in place but I can help but to question EVERYTHING. Feelings of sadness, feelings of fear, feelings of thankfulness, happy memories, etc…

I know it’s important to experience these feelings and thoughts and they will help me grow as a person. At the end of the day I realize how blessed I am, not by things but by people. I have so many people who love and care for me it’s simply not fair. Once again I’m reading the purpose driven life. Its such a wonderful book that brings me peace, hope, and excitement. Does anyone else have any suggestions or words of wisdom?

Finally, a quote from my grandma, Tim’s wife, one of the strongest people I know:

“The realist in me knows this journey still has many twists, turns and challenges ahead. I just hope I can put my worries about the future aside long enough so that I don't miss out on enjoying the present.”

So simple and true for any experience in life!!

Morgie ♥